Blinding white

I look at the future
and it's like the waves in the sea
looking very big and promising at distance
but when they reach me they are small and weak

I feel being pushed into a dreadful wall
With many things to do before that
but there isn't enough time
before the wall reaches me

I don't recognise myself anymore
I want to escape this place
just to find myself again
and to discover what I want in life

This almost permanent state of being alone
separates me from everyone
destroying the support I had
from being alone in the first place

Always trying to find love
instead of letting it find me
destroys my sanity like a mild-killer
to the point where everything in blinding white