(Not) my poems

I sit here writing down poems
to the little black book I have
and I wonder if I really write this
because it doesn't seem real

These poems are unfamiliar to me
not because they seen far away
it's just like reading a text
with my handwriting but without having written it

Blinding white

I look at the future
and it's like the waves in the sea
looking very big and promising at distance
but when they reach me they are small and weak

I feel being pushed into a dreadful wall
With many things to do before that
but there isn't enough time
before the wall reaches me

I don't recognise myself anymore
I want to escape this place
just to find myself again
and to discover what I want in life

This almost permanent state of being alone
separates me from everyone
destroying the support I had
from being alone in the first place

Always trying to find love
instead of letting it find me
destroys my sanity like a mild-killer
to the point where everything in blinding white

Love is a dream

I talk to you as a friend
and you tell me the hurt inside
it pains me having to pretend
but I still keep it all in stride

You would really know how I feel
if your eyes ever looked inside mine
so I continue to conceal
a love brighter then sunshine

I'm with you every single day
and yet you are unable to see
that all the pain would go away
if you would only looked at me

Break this chain
and set yourself free
stop this pain
and just be with me

Love is a dream
that you live through awaked

Life has just begun

I feel that only now life has begun
because before that I wasn't really living
instead, I was preparing for life
and not really living it

This preparation for life was a bit flawed
it felt like I was preparing for a single moment
a place in time where I would use all my skills
like a warrior before some fateful battle

Somehow life has begun
and I don't feel anymore like I'm standing still
I'm moving forward now
to find good and bad things in my path

Love is no longer something too far away
but something to expect finding in my path
and the colour are brighter ad the black is darker
and after the rain there will be a rainbow in the sky

After all said and done

After all said and done
I still have this feeling inside me
something without words that cast a shadow
like a dark cloud that stands above me

What she has done wasn't such a bad thing
but it affected me so much
and now that all the issues have been resolved
this thing still haunts me like before

The answer to this mystery must lie in the past
but I never gave too much thought
inside there is something unresolved
and some memories I cannot reach

I don't know if this is the reason
but many it has to do with the cruelty I've known
when I was a child and a teenager
even if cruelty was not intended but only what I felt

This willingness to forget the past
is haunting me now that I won't remember
but only two incidents come to mind
and a general feeling of sadness in the past

Life with soundtrack

Lately, my life is like a movie
because I can hear the soundtrack in the background
there is always a song for what I'm feeling
even when the radio is playing a different one

Sometimes I'm still maybe an angel
or maybe I could have been
but this feeling is disappearing fast
as the wind no longer makes me fly

Maybe I should put my wings to the ground
because I can't use them anymore
and no more knocking on heaven's door
let alone seeing it from above

Still, maybe I'm no angel
but I feel I could fly
this feeling is just a feeling
because I don't have wings anymore

I'm no angel

I'm no angel, at least not anymore
I don't know if I ever was one
but I felt like an angel
and could fly like one

Maybe angels are like magic
they only exist if someone believes in them
so I guess my wings are gone
if I ever had wings in the first place

I don't know what’s true anymore
and I feel this bitterness inside
maybe I had the heart of an angel
but now it has darkened inside out

Friends kept me from falling
and made the pain slowly fade away
but my mistrust in words of love
will be harder disappear

Four days

When I saw you I wasn't comparing you
Because I had no picture of you in my mind

The first day was a day of discovering
to take a picture of you and add to this feeling
to reconnect to the person I knew so well
and to feel your touch I yearned for so long

The second day was a day of sweetness
to visit new places with a closeness I never felt before
to hold you in my arms loosing myself in your hair
and to finish the day with laughter and hope

The third day was a day of extremes
to cry for you after thinking I could no longer cry
only to find true and complete happiness
with you and a sofa in a moment in time

The forth day was a day of sorrow
to know that I would leave too soon
and not hearing words of hope in your mouth
In a moment of intimacy but with your lips fleeing from mine

Waiting for an avalanche

I was waiting for an avalanche
But t never came
Instead I grew wings like an angel
And the warm air lifted me up to heaven

Now that I think about it
Why did I want an avalanche?
To be struck by the cold snow
Instead of warm air some call love

I don’t know why you didn’t fly so high
You only needed to let yourself go
Is it so hard you to fall?
Specially after seeing heaven from above

It hurts a bit right now
But the pain will go away
Unlike this feeling that I have
That will be forever in me

The kiss

With a feeling hard to describe
Coming from a love impossible to understand
My dry lips longed for yours
Even before our eyes had met

When the words could no longer be suppressed
“I want to kiss you” was muttered in your ear
The emotions make a blur of the memories
But what happened I will never forget

As my lips touched yours
Waves of ecstasy rippled through my body
A feeling so powerful that I had to recover
Seeking shelter in your shoulder

Such powerful feeling can only be understood
That I wasn’t kissing with my lips
But that my heart was the one kissing you
As it turned all my flesh sensitive to your touch

Such gentle kissing as a butterfly kiss
Was more brighter than an rising sun
And the rabbit kiss rocked through my chest
Before hitting the rest of my body

All my body was exploding with sensitivity
And your tickles and the touching in my neck
Made me twist all over myself
Only to be surpassed by that delightful kiss

When I kissed you on the lips again
And you ran your fingers through my hair to hold my head
That made me smile inside
Because I felt you being moved by the moment

With your head close to mine
Your hair was lying on my face
Like a waterfall that was caressing my skin
While you kissed leaving a sweet taste in my mouth

This moment was too good for me to stop
I was addicted to your mouth
Like a candy that you want to last forever
I was letting this moment melt slowly in my mouth

In the beginning there was only a craving
Not knowing what to expect
But reality can be better than any dream
Because love can take you higher than heaven itself

With a moment that made all my life worth living
I knew what true happiness was
Just you and me and a couch
With my arm around you and loosing myself in your hair

71 hours

Time can be vary so much
Expand infinitely or shrink all to a single second
Only mortal beings can notice the passage of time
But immortal souls can make a moment last forever

71 hours may not seen much
But several lifetimes can shrink to that size
And light can travel 77 billion kilometers
During this passage of time

Can’t you see it too?

Can’t you see it too?
Something different in the air
A though in the back of your mind
And a tingling sensation in your hands

The blood flows faster
And you breath heavier
From the sense of excitement
As the time grows closer.

Can’t you feel it too?
Me almost touching you
And when the cold wind rushes trough you
You can hear me whispering in your ear.

I know you can feel it
Because we share this bond
That brings us closer and closer
Even though we are so far away

Dreams and fantasies

All this has been too much
But I'm loving every single minute
Just being so lost in the sky
And flying upside down.

Dreams and fantasies are so close
And reality seems so far away
The ground is above my head
And I’m falling into the sky.

I'm a bit lost out here
So I'm just going with the flow
Going higher and higher
With this harm air rushing though me.

These words are the first in a while
After being so lost in dreams
My words are running out again
With this wind pushing me higher.

Far away

In this rather warm winter
And in the warmth of my family
I feel a cold breeze blowing my way
That makes me shiver once in a while

I feel the need for you to warm my heart
And you are always in my thoughts
But so far away from my touch
When my hand craves for yours

I tried not to get carried away
And I try not to expect too much
But this love pushes me high above
Where you seem not so far anymore

How will It be when we finally meet?
Will we be strangers that know too much
Or will we be two people sharing one love
Happy to be together after being away for a long time.

A dark cloud

A dark cloud hanged over me
And it blocked every glimmer of hope
Darkness took over me
And all my fears turned into nightmares

I couldn’t reach out to anybody
Maybe luck was running against me
And even the great healer that is the sea
Couldn’t break through the dark clouds.

Suddenly, a breeze moved the cloud away
And a silly comment made the rest
The nightmares ended with the bright light
But the fears will be back if darkness falls again.

The cloud has moved and scattered away
But my soul is still cold from all the darkness
Since I have no summer kisses to harm up
It needs a bit more of the mild winter sun.

my soul is a wandering spirit

As I stand here listening to the music
I feel the truth rising from the depths of my soul.
I know now that my true nature is to be free.
I can almost feel the wind streaming past the edges of my wings.
This is like looking at something for the first time
But knowing immediately it's genuine.
I feel my chen feeding my chi
My soul feeding my body's energy
I look at my hands and I see then change before my eyes
Not growing older but growing younger instead
And I now truly believe in the power in me
But also in it’s consequences
I know now that my soul is a wandering spirit
And this brings me energy but also brings me trouble
Because I won’t be able to feel free
Staying in one place for a long time
For now I'm staying here
Because I still feel the wind in my face
But one day that wind will stop
And I will have to fly away to feel it one more time

Whirlwind

The whirlwind around me as taken me by surprise
And it's now inside me
My stomach spins with no control
And shivers run through my body.
When will this whirlwind ever stop?
It's like I'm getting hit with things flying around
And I can't run away from them
I feel bruises spreading inside me.
I can't spread my winds
Without breaking everything around me
I'm trying to restrain myself
But how much longer will I manage?
Will I ease my way out of this trap?
Or will I blast everything in my way
And probably hurt myself in the process
Ending up paying a big price for freedom.

over the horizon

There a small breeze in the air
Someone is calling over the horizon
I can feel some turbulence in the waves of destiny
Some paths look promising and other look like endless pits
I’m not sure where to go but I’ll follow the beautiful butterfly
This creature was once shattered on the floor and covered in mud, but now it flies and sings about angels.